Survival Tips for AWP17!
Welcome, writers, to our nation’s capital! You will fit in
here, with our town’s culture of perfectionist strivers and intellectual
conversationalists. DC is a city that reads (the nation’s third-readingest city,
according to this
study)…though some may prefer wonky policy books to lovely volumes of
poetry. We dress in black or Ann Taylor, are verbal with excellent punctuation
skills, freak out at a flake of snow, don’t mind being thought of as “the East
Coast elite,” have a chip on our shoulders about New York City, and celebrate our
diverse community. We welcome newcomers and tourists, as long as they stand to
the right (never the left!) on our Metro escalators…and we don’t like
you-know-who either.
So, twelve thousand? Fifteen thousand? A LOT of writers
surging into town for #AWP17! You won’t be wearing matching T-shirts like the spring
school groups, and don’t want to look like tourists, I know, but take that
moment to soak in what tourist DC does best: grand old monuments of glimmering
stone, most beautiful in dusky twilight. They have endured, our democracy will
endure (fingers crossed), and you can endure and prevail at AWP! Here are my
tips for success based on my experience at past conferences:
Wear comfortable shoes, at least most of the day. There’s
lots of traipsing around long hallways and the long (sometimes uncarpeted)
aisles of the book fair. It’s also inevitable that the one panel you really,
really, really want to see will be in a teeny-tiny room and you’ll have to
stand in the back…or sit on the floor; see the following tip:
Wear comfortable clothes, preferably taking a layer approach. Wherever you go,
you will end up either in A) an incredibly stuffy room that will make you melt,
or B) a room with an arctic blast directed at you. Bulk up and strip down as
needed. Also, as noted above, the AWP conference staff has a knack for
consistently misjudging the size of room required for a subject matter/speakers
(i.e. Famous Writer in room with 30 chairs; grad student panel on Use of Dashes
in Obscure Ancient Greek Poet in room with 300 chairs), so you may find
yourself scrunched into a 2’x2’ square on the carpet; see the following tip:
To avoid being stuck sitting on the floor, arrive early to panels you really,
really want to attend. If you are stuck on the floor, hold your ground with a
big bag and/or coat to get yourself some extra space. Whatever you do, do not
be nice and squeeze over…those panels can seem VERY LONG when someone’s knee is
wedged in your ribs. (Any resulting bad karma will be worth it.)
If a panel is bad, ditch it. Yes, it’s rude. Yes, everyone does it. (Be better
than the rest by at least waiting for an appropriate break, but if you must go
mid-word, GO.) I can’t tell you the high caliber of presenters that I have
walked out on, but think Very High. Remember that there are a thousand other
options, and you have choices. The only time you have to stick it out is if A)
the dull panel participant is your personal friend or B) the dull panel
participant is/was your teacher or C) the dull panel participant is your
editor/publisher. Those people will notice (and remember) that you abandoned
them mid-drone and punish you accordingly (i.e. your glowing letters of rec
will instead incinerate). Undoubtedly this is why I have never been published
in Unnamed Very High Caliber Magazine, having walked out on the editor’s panel.
There are zillions of panels: When you pick up your registration badge, you’ll
get a massive tome with information about all of them, and also a shorter
schedule that’s easy to carry around. Take some time right away to read through
the tome and circle the panels you want to attend on your master schedule. Then
ditch the tome. Better yet, go to the AWP website now and scroll through the schedule tome and
decide now where you want to be when. And best of all, use the “my schedule”
planning feature on the online schedule to mark the events you’re interested in
and keep that stored on your favorite technology (mine is a sheaf of printed
paper…which may be smart since I often forget how/where to re-access “my schedule,”
which requires logging in and somehow finding “my account”). Anyway…no
point waking up early on Friday if there’s nothing you want to attend. I
checkmark panels I might go to if nothing better is going on and star those
that I will make a supreme effort to attend. Give yourself a couple of options
at each time slot so that if a room is too crowded, you have an interesting
alternative.
Someone will always ask a 20-minute question that is not so much a question but
a way of showing off their own (imagined) immense knowledge of the subject and
an attempt to erase the (endlessly lingering) sting of bitterness about having
their panel on the same topic rejected. Don’t be that person. Keep
your question succinct and relevant. Maybe even write it down first, before you
start to endlessly ramble. If you are “that person,” everyone will mimic your
annoying question to their friends in the bookfair aisle, and your career is
over.
Don’t say anything gossipy on the elevator, unless you want the whole (literary)
world to know it. Do listen up to the conversations of others on the elevator,
and tell your friends what you’ve overheard over your offsite dinner,
embellishing as necessary.
Same advice above exactly applies to the overpriced hotel bar. Also, if
you happen to get a chair at the bar, or, goodness, EVEN A REAL LIVE TABLE,
hang on to it!! People will join you if they see you’ve got a spot!
Famous people! I mean it: the only reason to ever give up a table in the
hotel bar is because the bar has shut down, you’ve consumed every bit of liquid
in the clutter of glasses, and a beefy bouncer is headed your way.
Speaking of famous people or former teachers or friends…do
not say something like this in one long breathless opening sentence right after
hugging hello: “Great-to-see-you-can-you-write-a-blurb-letter-of-rec-piece-for-my-anthology?”
Ask for favors AFTER the conference! I mean, unless you enjoy that uncomfortable
moment and awkward triumph of trapping someone into saying yes.
Support the publications at the bookfair. Set a budget for yourself in advance,
and spend some money on literary journals and books and subscriptions, being
sure to break your budget. Do this, and then you won’t feel bad picking up the
stuff that’s been heavily discounted or being given away free on the last day
of the conference. But, please, do spend some money! These journals and presses
rely on OUR support.
Just because something is free, you don’t have to take it. Unless you drove,
you’ll have to find a way to bring home all those heavy books/journals on an
airplane. Or you’ll have to wait in line at the hotel’s business center or the
UPS store at the convention center to ship them home. So, be as discerning as
you can when you see that magic markered “free” sign on top of a pile of
sad-looking journals, abandoned by the grad students with hangovers who didn’t
feel like dealing with their university's bookfair table.
Try not to approach the table of each journal at the
bookfair with this question: “How can I get published in your journal?”
Also, I recommend avoiding this one: “How come you didn’t publish my
poem/story/essay/screed?” Try instead: “What a beautiful journal. Please
tell me more about it.” Even better: “I’m thinking about subscribing.”
It may be too late for some of you, but it’s inevitable that you will see every
writer you’ve ever met in the aisle of the bookfair at one AWP or another…so I
hope you were nice to all of them and never screwed anyone over. Because, yes,
they will remember, and it’s not fun reliving all that drama as the editors
of The Georgia Review gaze on.
Pre-arrange some get-togethers with friends/teachers/grad student buddies, but
don’t over-schedule. You’ll run into people, or meet people, or be invited to a
party, or find an amazing off-the-beaten-track bar. Save some time
for spontaneity! (Yes, I realize that I’m saying “plan” for spontaneity.)
Don’t laugh at this, but bring along Purell and USE IT often. For weeks
after, post-AWP Facebook status updates are filled with writers bemoaning the
deathly cold/sore throat/lingering and mysterious illness they picked up at
AWP. We’re a sniffly, sneezy, wheezy, germy bunch, and the thought of
12,000 of us packed together breathing on each other, shaking hands, and
giving fake hugs of glee gives the CDC nightmares.
Along the lines of healthcare, don’t forget to drink a lot
of water and pop an Advil before going to sleep if (haha…if!) you’ve been
drinking a little more than usual. (Also note that AWP offers a daily 12-step
meeting open to all in recovery. Please take care of yourself!)
Escape! Whether it’s offsite dinners/drinks/museums/walks
through park/mindless shopping or whatever, do leave at some point. You will
implode if you don’t.
This is a super-secret tip that I never share, but I’ll
share it as a reward for those who have read this far: there will be a
bathroom that’s off the beaten track and therefore is never crowded. Scope out
this bathroom early on. Don’t tell anyone except your closest friends the
location of this bathroom.
Finally, take a deep breath. You’re just as much of a writer as the other
11,999 people around you. Don’t let them get to you.
*****
If you're interested, I will be on the following panel. I’ll
be reading from “Slut,” a story included in my collection THIS ANGEL ON MY CHEST,
that first appeared in Cimarron Review
and which I rarely read.
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10,
2017
4:30 pm to 5:45 pm
Liberty Salon I, J, & K, Marriott Marquis, Meeting Level
Four
Cimarron Review: 50
Year Anniversary Reading. (Leslie Pietrzyk, Adam Clay, Brenda Peynado, Yun
Wang, Toni Graham) The Cimarron Review brings together four previously featured
writers from across fiction and poetry to celebrate fifty years of publishing
the finest stories, poems, and essays from working writers across the country
and around the world to celebrate their 50th anniversary.
*****
And if you'd like to let you-know-who know what you think about him...here's an overview of some planned protests:
http://flavorwire.com/598503/writers-plan-to-protest-and-lobby-at-awp-conference-in-d-c
*****
Finally, for the best drinks in town, here's my spot (more suitable for an intimate twosome ro foursome, not a giant crowd): The Columbia Room, not too far from the Convention Center. Splurge on the full-out tasting if you've got the $$ and time or enjoy a drink or two in the Tasting Library or Punch Garden. I promise you will thank me!! http://columbiaroomdc.com/
******
And I wasn't kidding about that Metro escalator. Stand to the right and walk on the left.
*****
And this very important P.S.: Check out what DC writer/poet Sandra Beasley has to say about navigating AWP and DC. Her restaurant tips are spot-on! http://sbeasley.blogspot.com/2017/02/so-if-youre-going-to-awp.html